Finding Peace

Lately everyone and everything seems all fired up.  Amidst Covid-19 reality and rumors, face mask debates, media validity, politics, race riots, racial inequality, etc..., I also feel a rise in contention, depression and anxiety among loved ones. I sometimes feel in the depths myself. Not just because what I am seeing, but because how little I am able to harness my own emotions despite my knowledge of His plan and His greatest commandment. I can see an article or listen to a speaker and become so angry and hopeless! I hate feeling so out of control, not being able to fix what is broken or change anyone's mind. I am passionate about my beliefs (as are so many of us) and its so hard to stay positive and loving through all of this. But I know I CAN'T remain in this frame of mind and be happy. When do I feel peace?? I feel peace when I shut the media off and play with my kids. I feel peace when I help someone in need or stop mid-day and say a prayer or open my scriptures. I feel peace when I go in my dance garage and turn on music and improv dance (haha I would not feel peace if anyone saw me doing it- its like me going nuts on the dance floor so its saved all for me). I feel peace when I listen to those with greater knowledge than I, those who have studied His words more in depth and have many more years of experience hearing His voice.

I have a hard time balancing my desire to stand up for what I believe in with my desire to love others yet I believe we are asked to do both. Sometimes I figure it out! Sometimes when I'm feeling my heart open to others, I see the pain in those who have opposing beliefs and I want to love them, even if they wouldn't love me! I feel like just about any person could be easy to love if we really knew their true life story. Knowing the pain that got them into the place they are in could change us in a second! That is why God can love us. Men's hearts truly are failing. My heart is failing sometimes. I hate that. God's heart will not. I want to keep that peace with me everyday.

In a nighttime lesson with my kids we talked about our own sphere of influence. I had heard Ben Carson talk about considering our sphere of influence... I realized every single one of my kids, even my 5-year-old already has a sphere of influence. She has a few little cousins that really look up to her. She can do more for them in way of example then even a parent can in certain areas. We talked about how we use that sphere. It went along with our studies in the Book of Mormon. Alma 10-15 specifically. Alma was a prophet preaching just as God asked him to in a certain city. He had no success. To those people, he was out of touch. He had no sphere of influence there. His life had not been intertwined with others who lived there. They hadn't seen him at a market or known his children, etc... It was easy to be mean to him. This reminds me of social media. This dark abyss where we can all be vile enemies if we want to. Our ugly, inhumane side can come out. We wouldn't do that to a friend or someone we have loved and seen grow up with us. We are brave and ugly behind a screen. Back to the scripture story: after Alma leaves he is commanded to return. He did so right away, because he trusted God. He was received by Amulek. Amulek was a citizen of this town and had great reputation and wealth. He received him and gave him food and rest. He had received a vision that he was to help Alma. Amulek had a quiet testimony of God's word and was given the command to come out of the shadows and help Alma with this work. Day 1 Alma teaches the people and they are again being vile toward him. When Amulek opens his mouth to speak he has SUCH a greater power with them. They are astonished. Many are converted. Many are still awful to him but those within his sphere of influence hear him and follow God and are baptized. What an amazing example to me. Rather than trolling on Facebook groups where I have no influence- I am unknown face and name with a keyboard- I can use the things I've learned with those who know me and my heart. What a better use for my time! Finally the story I share concludes with an expression of all Amulek sacrificed to bring forth the truth. He gave up family members, wealth, position, reputation. His sacrifice sanctified his life. But with that peace he surely felt from bringing so many to Christ, it says that Alma "took him (Amulek) to his own house, and did administer unto him in his tribulations and strengthened him in the Lord". (Alma 15:18)  Amulek had a hard time! Peace is not going to be found and kept so easily! President Nelson says "the Lord loves effort". He also says about his own calling "of course its hard!".  It is supposed to be hard because we are progressing. Its ok to feel the absence of peace now and again. Knowing that is somehow comforting to me. As we seek it, we will be strengthened in our times of great need. Either by another or by God and Christ Themselves through the Holy Ghost.

I hope this brings a little comfort to you if you are feeling badly today. I pray I can find the balance of knowing when to speak and when to listen. I want to know when to stand up and when to back down. I know I will make mistakes in this venture and I know peace will yet evade me again. But I also know that my peaceful things (family, scriptures, health, love) are ESSENTIAL in finding this balance and knowing the will of the Lord.