Turning my heart to my Fathers

I've been reading the Work and the Glory. I can't lie, the idea of plural marriage sickens me. But today I read a story about one of my direct ancestors- Vilate Kimball. It recounted the vision she received when Heber had ALREADY taken on a wife and he was unable to tell Vilate about it. Her vision brought me to tears. The thought of Jarom taking on a wife is like woah too much to bare. But reading of what the early saints went through when this doctrine was taught- I felt better- like they too were disturbed- which they must have been. It all comes down to was Joseph Smith a prophet for all his days on earth? They had such deep-rooted testiomonies to be able to overcome all of their angst, complete depression, bad feelings, etc... (none of the words I can think of accurately describe what they must have gone through) and follow the prophet. Was it a test for the Saints? yes. Was it to build a righteous seed? Probably a good reason. Was it to take care of the women who had no husbands? that too probably. Was it a commandment from God? it must have been if I believe Joseph to be a prophet. So yes. Do I think that we will have to live this way in the next life? Some of us! But I hope not me, I'm not going to lie! But if I really sit and think of what I would do... I would come near to death I'm sure but I think I would do it. I think I would in the end follow the prophet because I know that the church has been restored. That thought makes me happy, that helps me know more than ever that I do know the Church is true. And in saying that- I know that Joseph was and is a prophet of God. This had to have been his worse trial. The sadness I feel comes from the thought of, what am I going to be asked to do in this life? To really test me? What am I going to have to face? The thought will drive me crazy so I just have to keep preparing my life and my Spirit to be able to handle the forces that want to knock me down. I am so grateful for Vilate's strength. Her testimony and actions are so inspiring, they are the one thought I will cling to whenever I am having sick doubts about polygamy and the practice being from God. She is the reason I can overcome that doctrine that is universally disturbing.